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Leon Mitrani
Dating Advice
Various Partner Dances
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Tips for Women on Being Asked to Dance

by Leon Mitrani
December 9, 2002

Tips for Women on Being Asked to Dance

by Leon Mitrani
12/9/02

I always assume that women come to dance, not to meet someone. This varies depending on what type of "dance" it is. There's a true dance, where people go primarily to dance, and other events called "dances" that are really singles events. It's usually easy to tell the difference. If it is a "singles dance," it's often advertised with claims of how many people attend and features a DJ instead of live music. Dancing is usually disco or freestyle, instead of partner dancing. After a while, you can tell the difference.

At true dances, which are what I'll cover here, participants are more likely to spend their time on the dance floor instead of eyeing the crowd. Women are more likely to accept dance invitations from guys, realizing that it is just one dance and they're not conveying any romantic signals by accepting.

How can women increase their chances of being asked to dance? Come alone, instead of with an entourage. It's intimidating for a guy to approach three or more women engaged in a lively conversation and to single one out to dance. If they want to catch up on what's new in their lives, they should go out to dinner instead. Second, avoid sitting in a far corner, with your heads down. That signals that you're unavailable. A frown or scowl does the same thing. Last, and possibly the most powerful way to attract attention, is to stand at the edge of the dance floor moving slowly in time with the music. It would be rare that someone would not immediately take your hand and lead you out to the dance floor. Is there a practically sure-proof method of getting a dance partner? Yes. Ask someone to dance; I almost never refuse a woman who has the courage to take the nontraditional role of asking me to dance. Yet I and other men very rarely get asked.

I also must comment on Marcus Brooks' article (Fellas… Afraid of Rejection?) counseling men not to let fear of rejection prevent them from asking women to dance. Some other reasons he does not mention why I would not ask women to dance is that they are either too young (more than 20 years younger) or old, or if there is a total absence of physical attractiveness. For obvious reasons, I would more likely make the exception for the younger woman, especially is she is a new dancer and reluctant to display her lack of expertise. In several cases, I've helped them with the fundamentals and encouraged them to keep practicing.

My final advice concerns how to keep an interaction alive if you like your partner. Talk to him, as I do in a similar situation. Ask him where else he goes dancing? Is this a good band? Is this a typical crowd tonight? By the time the dance is over, you'll know if there is enough chemistry to keep it alive. I usually ask for another dance if I'm interested; women can do the same. Good luck, and enjoy the wonderful activity of dancing.

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